Love & Relationships

Why You Should NEVER Compare Your Relationships to Others.

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There is nothing more saddening and damaging for your relationship than the constant comparison with others. Yet we find most of the couples do the same actively. We need to understand that life is NOT a pageant to compete for imaginary titles ๐Ÿ™‚ If YOU do not have faith in your relationship and your future together, who will? Comparing your partner or the lovely bond you both have with others just fuels your feelings of inadequacy, feeds your ego and ultimately makes you lose your peace of mind. I have tried to list down the consequences, this dangerous habit can lead to.

  1. Lose your partnerโ€™s love and respect.

It makes sense doesnโ€™t it? If you always hold them up against some measuring stick to see if they can reach some arbitrary standard or if they fall short, who would like it? You chose to be with each other knowing and loving the good and the bad. And now suddenly you find someone better than your partner, and expect them to change. When you constantly nag them about how your BFFโ€™s husband showered her with flowers or took her out on an exotic vacation while you were stuck at work, it is only going to backfire on you. Try to focus on what your significant other does for you, not what someone else receives.

  1. You forget the reason why you fell in love with your dearest one.

Let us just take a moment to remember the time when you could not stop gushing about how perfect your sweetheart is. โค The way he hugs you before going to work, the way she makes sure you have your guy-time, his joyful nature and how he makes you laugh and it goes on. But the sad part is, all this is forgotten when you have the traits of another individual etched in your mind and want your partner to mould to that. When the same outgoing and enthusiastic person you fell in love with is measured against someone with a quiet and unassuming nature whom you met recently, it just pulls the plug on your admiration and appreciation for the one in your life.

  1. Lose your own journey.

You end up losing the plans you had for yourself. When you try to match your life to some elseโ€™s, you are failing the goals, dreams and needs you had set for your life.Your journey as a couple is not meant to look like anyone else because you are NOT like anyone else ๐Ÿ™‚ You have nurtured this relationship till now with the right ingredients of love and care and happiness and respect. Whatever you both wanted. But when you start comparing this with others you are deserting something incredible half-way trying to achieve something which is not even tangible.

Happy St. Valentines Day

  1. Leads to an unhappy marriage.

If you are married and still doing this, please understand that this is the worst you can do to your wonderful bonding. And as much as it depresses me to say this, I have to say that it is more women who compare than men. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ What starts as a friendly banter between two women slowly progresses to what their hubby do or not do and the silent hints of who is having the better life and the vacations they had and so on. The final straw, when the wife meets her man in person, she bursts out all of this to the poor unknowing husband. And some do it even in front of the other couple! Why oh why?ย  All this will make him feel so small and that is something men detest. When he realizes that whatever he does for his wife is not even recognized (forget appreciated) he eventually stops doing it. And then she starts complaining that he is not the same as before and the marriage is not โ€œworkingโ€ anymore. Really?

  1. Lose the relationship with the couple you compare.

Remember when you got all excited when you knew that your BFF and her guy is moving into the town you are. But a couple of movies and dinners together, you constantly find yourself checking if your man shows PDA like hers, if you are going on vacations as much as her and so on. It does not help when she shares the fabulous photos in social media. Slowly all this starts building resentment in you. You start avoiding her for no fault of hers and find yourself cancelling your girl nights and shopping trips more often. :/ The habit of comparison does not just ruin the bond between you and your love, but also spoils the relationship you have with the couple you base the comparison.

  1. Unable to enjoy the happiness in your relationship.

It must be you and your partner who sets the bar in your relationship. Not anyone else. If you go on measuring the love in your life with your neighborโ€™s, you would never be able to cherish even the most wonderful moments in your life. Because in your head there would be always a voice which questions if this was something they would have done (or did you even outshine them). What is right for one may not be for another. Do what is right for you at the right time for you. Treasure your relationship as much as you can and as long as you can. โค

  1. Lose your peace of mind.

By now you would have realized the amount of havoc this habit would create in your life. It goes without saying that all of this makes you lose your peace of mind as well. Sometimes people become possessed to prove that they have the better things in life and are one up the couple they tend to compare. They want to get back at the person they compete in their imaginary world and in that light start even share notes in social media which everyone knows is a silent message to someone. Why go to that extent losing the happiness and serenity in your life? Dwelling on things you do not have is never going to do any good.

Fighting

  1. Extends to comparing your children.

This is the most alarming of all I feel. If you have the nature of comparison in you, it will not just stop with your partner for sure. It will extend to comparing your children as well with their peers. This is really dangerous and can lead to low self-esteem, stress and suppression of original talent in kids. So even if you have an inkling of an unhealthy comparison raising its head in your heart, nip it off in the bud.

  1. Affects your social life.

As I already mentioned, apart from distancing yourself from the people whom you liked once just because their significant other seems a better person (only to you) there is one more way your nature of comparison can affect your social life. Your partner will become wary of introducing you to friends and other new couples. They have already had enough of your nagging, so why would they bring more on themselves when it is sure that you would find some reason to accuse them!!

  1. Portray a fake persona for attention.

Oh, this one is a classic :D.I almost tend to laugh out loud when I see women doing this. They act all moody and want their guy to ask them what is wrong (and show some PDA if possible). What do they gain by this, I have never understood. I mean any guy would be worried if his girl turned all gloomy suddenly. But the fact is if you keep on doing this, it kind of grows on him and finally he becomes unaffected to this and just assumes it has become part of your nature. But he would be surely missing the happy-go-lucky girl he once dated.

If you ask me, I will admit our life till now has not been lovey-dovey all the time. There are of course times we fight and shout at the top of our lungs ๐Ÿ˜€ But we have never ever let another person/couple to spoil the amazing bonding we share. I agree that a little dose of the green-eyed monster in our lives is inevitable. But if you let what other couples have affect you so much, you will be so distracted by trying to keep up with their relationship and could lose track of your own. I would say enjoy your friends in relationships and do not envy them!

So what do you all think? Eager to know your thoughts on this ๐Ÿ™‚

 

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39 thoughts on “Why You Should NEVER Compare Your Relationships to Others.

  1. What you said is very true. I wasn’t expecting such a profound meditation on the subject, so this was a good surprise. Also, I saw myself in some of the situations you described. I’m trying to change that: me and my husband talked about it not long ago and, yes, it was affecting our relationship with other couples.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading and your positive feedback ๐Ÿ™‚ Nobody is perfect and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship can be quite tricky sometimes. But what sets you apart is when you accept the mistakes and work on it. It is really great that you had the openness to admit it here and are resolving it on the go โค Kudos to you ๐Ÿ™‚

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  2. Oh this was quite helpful. Will always try to keep these in mind. Though sometimes, its not that easy, situations and emotions complicate the things. But if worked upon them keeping these views in mind, relationship would definitely yield positive outcomes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your wonderful feedback ๐Ÿ™‚ Yes I do admit, it is difficult to control our trail of thoughts and the circumstances and definitely emotions come as a major roadblock whenever we try to think straight ๐Ÿ™‚ But like you said we can work upon them and the mere inclination to do that goes a long way in saving the relationships โค

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  3. The saddest part is that the people others tend to compare themselves or their relationship to are not nearly as ‘perfect’ as others think they are. Every person and every couple has issues, struggles and bad times. People generally don’y broadcast that stuff so you may never know. ๐Ÿ™‚ The grass is not always greener…so to speak.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. How true ๐Ÿ™‚ It is absolutely right that every couple has their own issues and arguments are inevitable.I feel that it is the fact that they want to be with one another despite their differences and are willing to resolve the issues with patience, love and care that makes them “perfect” enough.And yes the grass is not always greener..Could not have said it better ๐Ÿ™‚

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  4. Forty three year of marriage has taught me a few things about relationships ๐Ÿ™‚ We all have ups and downs. It’s working through the downs together that makes the ups so much better. Space to be me and do stuff I love (and the same for him of course) saves sanity. Date nights or days are a must. Pick the right time and place for those must have challenging discussions – never when angry or upset. What I/we do, believe, is none of anybody else’s business as long as it’s in integrity, honest, respectful. Sorry, got a bit carried away here – I’m sure you get the drift ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow. That was quite insightful Raili ๐Ÿ™‚ Do not apologise. Loved every single word you said and from what I learnt from so far in the journey with my hubby, I could not agree more with you. Of course when it is 43 years, definitely you would have oodles of wisdom more than me ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks a lot for dropping by ๐Ÿ™‚ Totally loved having you here โค Hope to see you more ๐Ÿ™‚ Cheers ๐Ÿ™‚

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      1. Thank you. What I love about blogging, apart from the writing, is meeting all such a rich diversity of people ๐Ÿ™‚ It feels surreal to say that we’ve been married so long ! we have had an awesome journey together so far and look forward to many more years.

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  5. This has been really educative, back then i never used to look at my relationship and compare it to others but i would want the relationship i was at to be one of an example. Early teenage years :). Lately, i have realized when in a relationship it is all about loving the other person without limit, because we end up calling him/her sweet names like “my life, queen of my heart, my world etc”. Hence this means, if they’re your world.. we should live up to it meaning there is no other person you see in your world but them so everything revolves around them/him/her. I really loved this educative post. You have passed on a strong message here to many! – Cezane

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A very beautiful post that imparts knowledge on the DOS and donts of a healthy relationship…. I know many friends who constantly compare…. This not only affects their own relationship with the other half but also does jeopardize the friendship….egoes clash and one feels lowly about himself/herself….Jealousy pops in….and in many ways it does lead to a point where feelings for love and friendship just fades away….

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  7. I remember this one! I like how you’ve talked about comparison when it comes to your romantic relationships. SO IMPORTANT, oh my gosh. Because there is no happily ever after on the other side, with someone else. So important to create contentment and gratitude with the one you’re with โค

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