There is nothing more saddening and damaging for your relationship than the constant comparison with others. Yet we find most of the couples do the same actively. We need to understand that life is NOT a pageant to compete for imaginary titles 🙂 If YOU do not have faith in your relationship and your future together, who will? Comparing your partner or the lovely bond you both have with others just fuels your feelings of inadequacy, feeds your ego and ultimately makes you lose your peace of mind. I have tried to list down the consequences, this dangerous habit can lead to.
- Lose your partner’s love and respect.
It makes sense doesn’t it? If you always hold them up against some measuring stick to see if they can reach some arbitrary standard or if they fall short, who would like it? You chose to be with each other knowing and loving the good and the bad. And now suddenly you find someone better than your partner, and expect them to change. When you constantly nag them about how your BFF’s husband showered her with flowers or took her out on an exotic vacation while you were stuck at work, it is only going to backfire on you. Try to focus on what your significant other does for you, not what someone else receives.
- You forget the reason why you fell in love with your dearest one.
Let us just take a moment to remember the time when you could not stop gushing about how perfect your sweetheart is. ❤ The way he hugs you before going to work, the way she makes sure you have your guy-time, his joyful nature and how he makes you laugh and it goes on. But the sad part is, all this is forgotten when you have the traits of another individual etched in your mind and want your partner to mould to that. When the same outgoing and enthusiastic person you fell in love with is measured against someone with a quiet and unassuming nature whom you met recently, it just pulls the plug on your admiration and appreciation for the one in your life.
- Lose your own journey.
You end up losing the plans you had for yourself. When you try to match your life to some else’s, you are failing the goals, dreams and needs you had set for your life.Your journey as a couple is not meant to look like anyone else because you are NOT like anyone else 🙂 You have nurtured this relationship till now with the right ingredients of love and care and happiness and respect. Whatever you both wanted. But when you start comparing this with others you are deserting something incredible half-way trying to achieve something which is not even tangible.
- Leads to an unhappy marriage.
If you are married and still doing this, please understand that this is the worst you can do to your wonderful bonding. And as much as it depresses me to say this, I have to say that it is more women who compare than men. 😦 What starts as a friendly banter between two women slowly progresses to what their hubby do or not do and the silent hints of who is having the better life and the vacations they had and so on. The final straw, when the wife meets her man in person, she bursts out all of this to the poor unknowing husband. And some do it even in front of the other couple! Why oh why? All this will make him feel so small and that is something men detest. When he realizes that whatever he does for his wife is not even recognized (forget appreciated) he eventually stops doing it. And then she starts complaining that he is not the same as before and the marriage is not “working” anymore. Really?
- Lose the relationship with the couple you compare.
Remember when you got all excited when you knew that your BFF and her guy is moving into the town you are. But a couple of movies and dinners together, you constantly find yourself checking if your man shows PDA like hers, if you are going on vacations as much as her and so on. It does not help when she shares the fabulous photos in social media. Slowly all this starts building resentment in you. You start avoiding her for no fault of hers and find yourself cancelling your girl nights and shopping trips more often. The habit of comparison does not just ruin the bond between you and your love, but also spoils the relationship you have with the couple you base the comparison.
- Unable to enjoy the happiness in your relationship.
It must be you and your partner who sets the bar in your relationship. Not anyone else. If you go on measuring the love in your life with your neighbor’s, you would never be able to cherish even the most wonderful moments in your life. Because in your head there would be always a voice which questions if this was something they would have done (or did you even outshine them). What is right for one may not be for another. Do what is right for you at the right time for you. Treasure your relationship as much as you can and as long as you can. ❤
- Lose your peace of mind.
By now you would have realized the amount of havoc this habit would create in your life. It goes without saying that all of this makes you lose your peace of mind as well. Sometimes people become possessed to prove that they have the better things in life and are one up the couple they tend to compare. They want to get back at the person they compete in their imaginary world and in that light start even share notes in social media which everyone knows is a silent message to someone. Why go to that extent losing the happiness and serenity in your life? Dwelling on things you do not have is never going to do any good.
- Extends to comparing your children.
This is the most alarming of all I feel. If you have the nature of comparison in you, it will not just stop with your partner for sure. It will extend to comparing your children as well with their peers. This is really dangerous and can lead to low self-esteem, stress and suppression of original talent in kids. So even if you have an inkling of an unhealthy comparison raising its head in your heart, nip it off in the bud.
- Affects your social life.
As I already mentioned, apart from distancing yourself from the people whom you liked once just because their significant other seems a better person (only to you) there is one more way your nature of comparison can affect your social life. Your partner will become wary of introducing you to friends and other new couples. They have already had enough of your nagging, so why would they bring more on themselves when it is sure that you would find some reason to accuse them!!
- Portray a fake persona for attention.
Oh, this one is a classic :D.I almost tend to laugh out loud when I see women doing this. They act all moody and want their guy to ask them what is wrong (and show some PDA if possible). What do they gain by this, I have never understood. I mean any guy would be worried if his girl turned all gloomy suddenly. But the fact is if you keep on doing this, it kind of grows on him and finally he becomes unaffected to this and just assumes it has become part of your nature. But he would be surely missing the happy-go-lucky girl he once dated.
If you ask me, I will admit our life till now has not been lovey-dovey all the time. There are of course times we fight and shout at the top of our lungs 😀 But we have never ever let another person/couple to spoil the amazing bonding we share. I agree that a little dose of the green-eyed monster in our lives is inevitable. But if you let what other couples have affect you so much, you will be so distracted by trying to keep up with their relationship and could lose track of your own. I would say enjoy your friends in relationships and do not envy them!
So what do you all think? Eager to know your thoughts on this 🙂